How to Date Glamorously When You’re Living Within a Budget

Dating is a challenge in any situation, especially finding THE ONE, when you’re already in your 30s and get pressure from all directions to start a family and settle. Unemployment, however, will crush your self-esteem into tiny little pieces. Especially when you have worked your ass off to do everything by the book, got your degree, got work experience, speak the necessary languages, have the helpful personality, are healthy and young etc… It’s soul crushing. 😫 So when you try to figure out how to buy food for you and your cookie monster cats, dating isn’t exactly a top priority. Yeah some may argue, that it will just be easier to get a rich husband who will pay for your food while you search for a job. Well, I tried to find one and failed. Lol. That’s why being single and unemployed IS such a tricky situation. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

Don’t fall for despair though.❀️ It doesn’t help, nobody gives a flying fuck haha. Even after twelve years of crappy employers sucking the blood out of you and a bunch of a-holes looking for every pimple to point out in your body. You just have to stand tall, figure out how to find your lost confidence and then try to utilize that in the dating world. Here are some of my tips for dating when you are unemployed, don’t have many supportive friends around and are looking for a relationship. These twenty dating tips (10 Do’s and 10 Dont’s) with a twist of sarcasm are all based on my OWN real life personal experiences and can be used by both women and men. 😊 πŸ’ƒπŸ½

  1. Be honest. If your date asks you if someone has talked crap about her/ him, nothing will make you look more respectable than being totally honest. There are a lot bullies out there but the good ones (keepers!) do NOT want to date them, breath next to them or even think about their disgusting existence. So if you know shit, spill it out. Then you guys can talk together how pathetic these trash talkers are. Everyone wants a partner who will stand up for them when nobody else will. πŸ‘πŸ‘
  2. Be diplomatic, but not a doormat. I don’t keep track how many times I have been called a bitch for simply standing up for myself and calling out a douchebag for douchebag behavior. Better to be a bitch than a snake! πŸ˜ƒ Bitches have integrity, snakes don’t. Even though a snake will say the prettiest words and cater to your every wish, kind of like a blow out doll. Some men prefer mute dolls, real men prefer bitches.
  3. Cook/ bake for him/ her. I’m a baker. It’s relaxing and a great hobby. I also like to give cakes as gifts to the people I like and a good man will appreciate your cupcakes. 🧁
  4. Be encouraging and give compliments. There’s not a single person in the world who wants to be criticized and have their every flaw pointed out in their appearance. I live by the rule that if a man asks which celebrity is my favorite, I mention someone who looks like him. Men should also utilize this diplomatic/ smart tactic.
  5. Help him/ her something he/she needs. Clean the apartment, hang a painting on the wall, take care of his/ her pets etc. Don’t mix work and dating though. Offering a job when you secretly want to date her/ him will create confusion and nobody wants to look unprofessional. (Especially when job hunting.)
  6. Be direct. It depends on the person of course, but in my case I directly say what I want. Interestingly though it has attracted the wrong kind of men so far. Our society is still (worldwide, but surprisingly also in “advanced modern” Scandinavian countries too) very conservative. Women have to wait for men to approach them. I have literally scared men off by telling them directly what I want. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ So I guess this tip is for the men out there. πŸ˜€βœŒοΈ
  7. Buy flowers for her or a cute teddy bear. Women think teddy bears are cute regardless their age. 😊🐻 Any small gift is actually a sign of appreciation. (Just take off the sales tag if you buy an item on sale. Especially French cheese. 🀣)
  8. Go to a museum or art exhibition instead of a movie. It’s a good chance to talk and ask questions but with less pressure when you look at the paintings instead of staring at each other in a cafe. Busy cafes are also not that great for asking personal questions. β˜•οΈ
  9. Dress well. Ask French people how to dress well or models. You can find one model or someone who knows a model from any friend circle, job and school/ university. πŸ’ƒπŸ» πŸ•ΊπŸΌ
  10. Go dancing to a dance club, not a nightclub. Big salsa parties are great, because you blend into the crowd and nobody notices your crappy dancing skills. πŸ’ƒπŸ½πŸ˜‰
  11. Don’t call a woman schizophrenic, a drug addict, a closet lesbian who (when she take a break from being a lesbian) sleeps with every man she comes across, an alcoholic or other ridiculous (not to mention ILLEGAL) LIES if she is not into you. I’ve straight out called men out for their BS and as an “adult” mature response this is what I have received. πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ‘ŽπŸΌ
  12. Douchebags can smell vulnerability. Nothing attracts assholes more than being in a financially vulnerable situation. Then there are also those exceptions, men who want to “save you”. They are rare though and still you are forced to depend on a man’s help. Nothing wrong with that but it’s dangerous if you aren’t careful who you trust. (Same goes for men, women can also exploit men in vulnerable situations.)
  13. Don’t talk in an aggressive demeaning manner to any woman. If you think you look macho, you don’t. You look pathetic. Women can be too aggressive too and sensitive men can’t handle temperamental women (like me).
  14. Stalking is NOT love. Stop getting your dating advice from psychopaths. They don’t know how to love. They conquer and control. So if you happen to a be normal man and think psychopathic behavior will get you a woman, you’re WRONG. At least a loyal woman’s love. You might get a woman, but she will betray you the first chance she gets if you unleash your psychopathy on her.πŸ˜‚ Same goes for women though, try to control your psychopathic tendencies. (Especially during your period!)
  15. Don’t be a racist and ask a woman/ man out from another race or a mixed race person. She/ he will find out eventually. 🀣
  16. Don’t encourage other people to behave worse than you just because you’re mannerless garbage who doesn’t have the skills to change himself. Especially do NOT make a woman’s friend circle abandon her and make people turn on her. It will eventually come back to bite you in the ass. Even if it will take more than SEVEN years, women do not forget or forgive this shit. Same goes for women, though men seem to be much more loyal to their male friends than female friends are to theirs.
  17. Don’t get your dating advice from a man-hater feminist woman. She will only try to discreetly sabotage your date. You have to find a feminist woman who loves men. Equally bad (or worse) are misogynist dating books that advice you to lower a woman’s self-esteem to make her “easy pray”. NO.
  18. Don’t talk about your exes! Do not demonize them, make them sound like a God’s gift on Earth or anything else. Just don’t.
  19. Don’t go on a date in a place with bad memories and traumas. Go to another city or country if you have to. Nobody needs extra drama in their lives. ✈️
  20. Don’t start demanding stuff in bed before you have committed to her. It’s important to have a mutual understanding of what both of your sexual needs are once you are in a committed relationship. It’s insulting AF to start demanding stuff before you are serious. Women aren’t idiots nobody wants to be used. (At least the worthy ones who will wipe your old ass when you’re 90.) πŸ‘πŸΌ

If you are interested in more dating tips or just want to read about my crazy dating experiences, I have written two dating guides, one for women and one for men. 🌺 They are funny and informative and sadly ALL based on my real life. πŸ˜† Not all of it is super sad though, there are still some good men out there. I have collected the best (and the worst) examples of them from my life to your guide. So if you would like to purchase it, drop me a message on Contact page. I can guarantee you 90% that you will get a date if you follow ALL of my dating instructions. Even when you’re unemployed. πŸ˜‰πŸŒΊ Drop me a message with your comments/ if you tried out my advice and how it worked out for you! ❀️

14. Try to control your psychopathic tendencies. πŸ”ͺ
(Don’t worry, I didn’t kill the monster. It’s fake blood from Halloween.πŸ˜‰) Photo: Sonia Jain

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