How to NOT Go Insane Without a Partner and Money

Which is worse, no sex or no money? There are a lot of misconceptions of single people, especially single women. We’re “sluts” and men are “players”. The mutual connection seems to be that we are all “immature” since we can’t find a partner and manage our finances. WRONG. We just have higher standards than the regular person who will get divorced by 35, have a second marriage (if lucky) by 45 and then finally end up alone because too much drama. Sometimes you even might end up alone because of a tragedy, your partner fell ill etc., so NEVER judge without getting your facts right. People who NEED to be in a relationship, instead of wanting one, do not make the best partners. They aren’t independent and are super judgemental. They are the type to cheat too, because they value having a relationship more than the actual person they are with. I know some of these cheaters (didn’t date them, since I don’t date😆) and their personalities are weak. Weak people can’t be alone, so they pick whoever man/ woman they find and it ends up in a disaster. Being single really sucks sometimes, but I guess the bright side is that it makes you a stronger person and not many people have the mental strength to do that. Married people who cheat are the weakest people and they also love to judge singles like there’s a reward for it. Now you know WHY they judge you though, you are mentally stronger than them and they can’t stand it. 😄

Quality takes time. Though it would be nice to have money to eat and buy clothes.😛 So how do I manage my mental health? The vicious thing also about being single and unemployed is that you make the easiest target for sadistic bullies. I know I have. It will take several blog posts to go through that and I’m not really into becoming a spokesperson for bullying. There are better ways to handle your bullies. 😉

Anyway, here are 30 things I have done to manage my mental health while being single and unemployed:

  1. Exercised A LOT. First gym when I could afford it , then started using a fitness app at home. Walked in the forest in fresh air and zero annoying people around. Cycling outdoors (got a second hand bike for free) and exploring new places. (alone..!)
  2. Got a cat and then a second one = now a cat mom of two. 😸
  3. Attended random free events with random people to feel less lonely.
  4. Tried dating (didn’t work out).
  5. Joined Twitter in 2016, rage tweeting is surprisingly therapeutic.
  6. Talked to my retired relatives (old people have good stories).
  7. Did yoga and breathing exercises.
  8. Tried meditation (didn’t like it).
  9. Traveled when I had money and when I didn’t I planned a trip (the surprising positive effects of simply planning a trip instead of taking one are underrated).
  10. Moved to a new country and took my cat with me, but things didn’t work out unfortunately. 😖
  11. Ate fresh fruit. Fruit are healthy, delicious and full of natural vitamins. They boost your mood quickly. 🍎🍊
  12. Allowed myself bad habits, such as sugar and alcohol (red wine and dark chocolate are actually healthy), cake is too good to give up and healthier than smoking, so stuff that cake in your face, girlfriend. 🍰
  13. Talked to random people about my problems, because my local friends abandoned me.
  14. Whatsupped my aunt in India and sent and received cute memes.
  15. Skyped some friends abroad.
  16. Baked A LOT (the problem was that I didn’t find anyone to give my cupcakes and brownies to, so I had to eat them ALL lol).
  17. Fixed things like made the “perfect” cake, etc. are important for your mental health. When everything else around you seems to fall apart, you need something “perfect”, even if it’s just a cake.
  18. Cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning! A clean and organized apartment is very important for your mental health. You spend time in doing something productive, see the results immediately (we all need little wins in life) and you make your living space pleasant. Just looking at an organized wardrobe can give you surprising mental peace.
  19. Joined a dating site to make myself feel better about myself (who doesn’t like random compliments?!)
  20. Got a friend to take good quality pictures of me for a very reasonable price. When you see yourself looking glamorous in a pic, you will feel better about yourself. Some might whine “oh she only looks good on pics, not in real life”. Well at least I look good somewhere sometime, unlike the bitter fuckers who say this crap. 😆
  21. Watched a lot of movies, comedy TV shows, and the Handmaid’s Tale. The latter gives you hope regardless of how shitty your situation is. Comedy shows and laughing have healing effects.
  22. Did creative stuff. Photography, writing, dancing and painting. Creativity is important for your mental health, because you focus on something, calm your mind and reduce anxiety.
  23. Listened to music. Good music helps you feel better and calms you down regardless where you are and also blocks the sounds of annoying people.
  24. Slept A LOT. A good night sleep and an afternoon nap is important for your mental and physical health. Everyone’s different, but I usually need 7-9h of sleep. Power naps are also great, 30min in the afternoon will refreshen you quickly.
  25. Raged. Alone. Inside a car, in my apartment, in a forest. Yelling your emotions out loud without anyone around is an effective mood booster. Some people pour their anger at the wrong people like their spouses, colleagues, customer service people etc., (I have too), but I have now found out that raging alone without harming others is very effective. Try it! Yell and rage inside your car, go to a forest and YELL. See how much calmer you will be dealing with difficult people after that.
  26. Hugged and kissed my cats about 10-20 times per day. Cats have a very calming effect and if you don’t have a boyfriend to cuddle with, your cats will make sure you are loved to the moon and back. ❤️
  27. Read good books. I’m not a reader, I prefer movies, but occasionally I come across an interesting book that I can’t stop reading until it’s finished (e.g. Wuthering Heights). Just make sure you have a calm, peaceful place without distractions to focus on your book.
  28. Helped others. Volunteered for different charity causes, helped old relatives, and defended vulnerable people. Helping others without expecting anything back will give you purpose in life when you feel like your life has no meaning. If a shitty man, employer or a friend doesn’t appreciate you, don’t waste your empathy on these emotional vultures. Give your empathy to someone who will cherish it.
  29. Cut out toxic friends, ex-colleagues, ex-boyfriends and randoms. Your environment matters, so getting rid off all the assholes/ bullies is the first step for mental peace. If they won’t shut up/ leave you alone, write a fucking blog about it.😆
  30. Last but not least, be grateful. I know it is super hard when you have nothing and nobody wants to help you, but find something everyday. People have been telling me this for seven years and it is annoying AF to hear that from people who already have EVERYTHING. So I’ll write three things after each of my blog posts to inspire the ones who don’t have everything like me. Today I’m grateful for my cats, Internet and my dishwasher.

17. Sonia baked a “perfect” banana-walnut cake. Photo: Sonia Jain

Managing Your Finances Like a Lady

It’s a tough world out there for single women, especially single unemployed women. You have to maintain your appearance to attract potential partners and to look representable for job interviews. Work wear is expensive and today’s job market requires you to look your best. So how do I manage without a job and a boyfriend to pay my rent, bills, feed my cats, feed myself, buy clothes, make-up and do my hair?

When your future looks uncertain, it is very important to keep your budget intact and save some money for the future. The unfortunate part of being unemployed is that you have no idea when you will get your next job. It might take a month, six months or even SEVEN years like in my case. I hope it doesn’t get to eight, but I guess we will all find out on my blog this year. 🙂

Who will buy me shoes when you have no income or a boyfriend? Who will even look at me if I can’t afford to buy make-up and do my hair? Do I need to go live with my parents again? Rob a bank? You get stressed and anxious, but sometimes you have to do things that aren’t that awesome. No, I don’t mean you should do porn, but find quick ways to cut your fixed expenses first. Here are 30 things I have done in the past seven years of my unemployed single life to save a buck:

  1. Lived with my dad for two years.
  2. Lived with random (WEIRD AF) roommates I found online in four different apartments in NYC and Finland. Communists, hipsters, bullies and one fashion model who only had jam and beer in her side of the fridge…and several more!
  3. Lived in an apartment hotel with random roommates.
  4. Lived in an apartment in a building that was under construction work (cheaper rent) and I didn’t have a window for six months.
  5. Bought make-up from the sales section.
  6. Bought clothes from second hand stores.
  7. Met people in a library instead of a café.
  8. Haven’t taken a vacation/ traveled abroad in 2 YEARS.
  9. Used coupons to buy food.
  10. Asked help from the church.
  11. Talked to my cats instead of paying 120 euros/session (average price) for a therapist.
  12. Cycled 44km in one day just to save 13 euros in travel costs.
  13. Asked for a ride from neighbors/ friends to save a bus ride fair 2,80 euros.
  14. Cut down on alcohol and going to bars. I didn’t go to a single bar for 8 MONTHS.
  15. Gone on a date with a douchebag to get free food.
  16. Attended random events to get free food, such as a tech company’s training event for coders (I’m NOT a coder).
  17. Volunteered in random events to get free food.
  18. Complained about something to get a discount on food/ a cocktail. (Real reasons though, sick of paying from my pennies just to get shit)
  19. Taken sugar, salt and pepper home from restaurants.
  20. Fixed my old shoes instead of buying new ones.
  21. Cut and died my own hair. (After I got sick of vicious bullying hairdressers DELIBERATELY ruining my hair after I paid FULL price, SEVEN incidents in Finland!!)
  22. Stopped wearing nail polish.
  23. Left an empty bottle in a public toilet and after the event took the bottle for recycling to get 0,20e.
  24. Took my jewellery to the pawn shop to get money to buy one of my cats.
  25. Considered putting my rental apartment on Airbnb, but then realized it’s illegal (breach of contract). You could do this though if your contract allows it and stay with your relatives, friends for 1-2 months to save rent money and use that money to take a vacation!
  26. Learned how to change a light bulb/ clean pipes/ install washing machine instead of paying the maintenance guy to do it.
  27. Changed a gym membership to an fitness app and worked out from home/ outside (saved 40e per month).
  28. Learned how to cook at home instead of buying ready meals/ ordering from restaurants.
  29. Utilized free trials for pretty much everything available, such as LinkedIn, Adobe, a local newspaper etc. Just remember to CANCEL on time!!
  30. Actually have WORKED! Done different part-time, freelancer work 1-4 days a week (NOT every week though so I would actually have enough money to live), such as sold yoghurt in supermarkets, sold Oreo cookies in supermarkets, was a substitute teacher in an elementary school, sat in a church eight hour per day for two months waiting for tourists to stop by, and helped startups with social media marketing. Everything except work worth my MSc in International Business Management and prostitution. Yep, the rumors are UNTRUE. Surprise, surprise a-holes. 😝

This is all for today,  more money saving tricks coming up later! 

25. Sonia figured that her British Shorthair cat, London, will help her shitty lonely single life more than jewellery. (Bought her instead of getting a shelter cat because she didn’t have a car to drive 2h to a shelter AND pay the shelter fee 100€ for an adult cat, 150€ for a kitten. Abandoned cats can be aggressive too just in case you plan to have children whenever you stop being a single AF person.) Photo: Sonia Jain

I tried to collect some of the funniest things, but of course there’s nothing funny about my shitty situation. However, all the entrepreneurs I have met so far, have had similar money saving tricks. So I guess there’s still hope for me. 😃👍🏼